Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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