pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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