I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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