ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize