Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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