...so i touched it.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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