We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
