you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
