It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
