i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
