If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
