I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
