I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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