the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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