I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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