Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
