K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
