I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You are a genius and a whore.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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