My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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