he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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