i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
