you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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