How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
