Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
