so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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