i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize