Your tits are I can't wait for
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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