I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
