i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
