i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
