watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
