New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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