I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
