dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
