I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
