I like my sex mixed with concussions.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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