Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
