i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
