were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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