Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
