just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
