Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
