the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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