summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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