How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
