The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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