Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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