I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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