Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
