He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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