quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
