all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I forget how to act sober
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
