Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
