I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
