well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize