i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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