you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
