I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
