4 words: hood of his car
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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