I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
