hell yes lets make some ravioli
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
