I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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