were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
