I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
