the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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