i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
