I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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