Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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