Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
