Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize